I was feeling pretty good when the dark clouds began to build and a mini trauma pattern played out. Introjection followed by projection. Psychologically I returned back to the other night and I felt like I was in the storm already. Bad decisions were made and trauma starts to create itself leaving me feeling isolated and anxious fearing the worst. It played out for about 15 minutes before I was able to interrupt it.

Part of dealing with trauma is understanding the physiology of trauma. Notice my adrenals are activated. Ask myself what is actually happening now. Move to some kind of self care - what do I need right now? Radio for a weather report. Create a different outcome for yourself - this involved getting everything covered in tarps and then watching the dark shapes in the mountains move in.

Learning to map and interrupt trauma patterns creates totally different branches of lives. In hundreds of ceremonies this has become my art form. To map and interrupt patterns to create different outcomes for people.

Patterns can become more intricate and complex as the scope of the trauma becomes deeper. Anger turned inward becomes self loathing which becomes depression. Interrupt the anger to restore boundaries and re-establish value. It requires looking at suffering in a much more interconnected way much like an ecosystem.

Map your pattern, play with learning to create new outcomes for yourself.

1. What past is in this moment
2. Notice what your body is doing
3. Ask yourself What do you need?
4. Reach out for support. It’s hard to see a pattern from inside it.

I get excited about it as a tracker as its all about how the pattern is laid down. We can learn with attention and all become pattern trackers. I’ve been thinking about how all the mystics found a way of living and then shared the peace and joy of that way. The doctrine often came after their lives. I have found a way to live here that is simple and peaceful. I have made a home in it, but is it making a home in me?

Purposeful action towards and unknown purpose. I don’t know where I’m going but I know exactly how to get there.

Connect with Boyd Varty:
Website | https://boydvarty.com/
Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/boyd_varty/
Twitter | https://twitter.com/BoydVarty

Find out more about Londolozi
Website | https://www.londolozi.com/en/
Impact | https://londolozi.africa
Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/londolozi/
Twitter | https://twitter.com/londolozi
Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/londolozigamereserve/

It is surprising to me how much time giraffes spend down by the river. Like an artist I’m trying to see things differently. I look beyond them walking to a geometry.

The trick to transformational processes is how to interrupt and shape patterns, in order to do this you must look at the spaces between things. How everything is touching everything else in relation.

Down in the river the leopards continue their passions. I have not felt compelled to go and find them.
To go and seek them out now seems kind of impolite.

I’m developing a theory on why mystics went to nature. Imagine you are two people: a fanatic city dweller and a wild person. When the mystic goes to nature they find that wild person who knows a different rhythm. The one that gets attention becomes abiding.

Today my body was tired and I ebbed into a lower level of frequency.

In my masculine excitement I’m drawn to activity, but right now its the meditation that is calling me.

A side note on tracking. Right now it seems that all four of the prides of lions that frequent the Londolozi are on neighboring properties. There is an air of excitement about this at it means that they will be sure to return in a couple of days.

Learning to See: A many called Ken Tinley once tuaght my father how to see a tree. There is a difference between how something works and what it means.

“When you look at a tree, see the soil that holds it. Understand that soil feeds it and the tree also enriches the soil. It’s shade invites shade grass and its stem alkalizes fruit which bring in monkeys which cause leave to fall which cause antelope to browse below.

Wouldn’t it be interesting iff we all spent some time looking at nature this way. Or at your relationships or garden.

In native culture, ceremonies are a time to remember what we remember.
How something works and what it means are different things.

Connect with Boyd Varty:
Website | https://boydvarty.com/
Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/boyd_varty/
Twitter | https://twitter.com/BoydVarty

Find out more about Londolozi
Website | https://www.londolozi.com/en/
Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/londolozi/
Twitter | https://twitter.com/londolozi
Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/londolozigamereserve/

I suspect things get a little wierder from here. Or a little mysterious depending on how you look at it. The leopards are still mating up and down the river, as if living next door to a noisy couple.

I know I must resist to fall all the way into the poetic, but its difficult, everything is so beautiful.

Lourens van der Post- Story after the war. Van Der Post came to camp alone in this wild Eastern region.

In the heat of the day I was cooking my pap by the base of the tree with two dish towels drying on the branch. For a moment the site of them took me into a state of absolute clarity.
When was the last time you had that feeling?

Memories of growing up in a Shangaan village. Looking at the two dish towels I swear I was innocent again. The loss of innocence occurs the moment you become self-conscious.

One of the biggest differences between people and animals is that people behave differently in private whilst animals don’t. Shame happens when your feelings are not safe. Here though there is no one to judge or compare.

Clean Anger and Dirty Anger

Where your attention goes your life goes. After last 11 days I have been returning my attention back to nature, curiosity and being. I have changed and I so want this for you. To the felt presence of something great unfolding.

When we wake up in our lives, what do we wake up out of? The challenge is to discover your own limitations and belief. People attune to new possibilities.

Unless we keep reimagining the possibility of life we will keep teaching our children to do the wrong things.

Tonight I want you to turn off all the lights and light a fire. Ask yourself when did I feel most alive? How did I find the limit and go beyond it.

Connect with Boyd Varty:
Website | https://boydvarty.com/
Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/boyd_varty/
Twitter | https://twitter.com/BoydVarty

Find out more about Londolozi
Website | https://www.londolozi.com/en/
Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/londolozi/
Twitter | https://twitter.com/londolozi
Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/londolozigamereserve/