I decided to run to the edge of the reserve where there is an anti-poaching camp. I ran out through high terrain, through dark soils and wet grass. I saw herds of zebra and even ostriches.
At the halfway pointing I was bonking as athletes call it. I felt like I could lie down next to the road and just fall asleep. I was going to pay the price for fasting the day before. What followed was 6 kilometers of run/walking mind games. The animals must have been perplexed watching this man staggering by himself back towards his camp.

Back at camp I immediately sensed something was wrong. Two hyenas were by the fire pit, one with my wash-up sponge in his mouth. There was a feeling that something was going down. On the far banks of the river there were five more hyenas snarling at a pack of wild dogs.

I don’t know if you have ever seen a dog fight, but imagine a hyena and a pack of wild dogs and you would get the energy of what had broken out next to my camp. A hyena got isolated and got bitten from all sides. Blood spattered into the water. Suddenly the pack turned and ran across the river.

Not waning to miss anything I turned and ran after the dogs into the clearing. They brought down a scrub hare and played a game with a zebra. A hyena tried to teal the scrub hare and got set upon by all the dogs. The dogs tore up the clearing and killed an impala where the hyena moved in on the meat. Nothing plays the survival percentages like the skill of the hyena.

Byron Katie (https://thework.com/) always asks, who would you be without your story. In this moment without it, who would you be? Usually without the story you find yourself sitting in a chair somewhere or run/walking down the road. Everyone has a story about being a victim or not having enough. The person who you try to help but won’t let go of their story they have to do it all alone.

Clean pain is when we bang our leg and rub it ouch. Dirty pain is when we tell the story of being a clumsy idiot for the next ten years. Mostly we live in the story of what’s happening rather than what’s happening.

There is a weird metaphysical component to how life follows our stories. The key is to pay attention to the ones that cause suffering. What I’m sayin is that you have two options to become more aware:

1. Ask yourself what story you are telling about yourself when you re suffering
2. Or you can get into a hyena wild dog pack fight.

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Byron Katie says the only things that’s ever happening is what you are thinking and believing and I was definitely in a storm of thinking.
(https://thework.com/)

In truth I couldn’t find some tracks in a beautiful wilderness. I was lost but it wasn’t like life and death.
I was in old thoughts and judgements brought to this moment: “This is total waste of time. You’re no good at this.” I went from zero to irrationally judgmental fast.

My sister believes that certain existential crisis can be solved with a sandwich and a nap.

Wen tracking a few hours later and cut the track of two rhinos. They were huffing and puffing in a magic guar thicket. The wind was in my favor as they moved towards me. I climbed into the tree and sat quiet and still in the branches as they meandered below me blissfully unaware of my presence.
In these moments I feel a tremendous amount of gratitude. The game is so abundant after being protected all these years now.

Then the world fell on my head. At 11pm I sat bolt upright and smelt the storm on the breeze and felt it in my body. It was windy instinctual but I got up and erected the tarp. I’ve watched myself learn fast how to handle the rain. My body had a current of energy running through it, it was like I could feel the future. Then came the mother and father of a thunderstorm. The volume was turned up to holy shit!

I sat in a totally clean fear for four hours. I thought about the hymn ‘How Great Thou Art’.
I was truly scared as a grown man. It makes you feel so human to experience that fear.
It was so wet water was coming from underneath me.

Day 15, you showed me who is boss. That’s my report. I’m still afraid of dying and being burnt. This mystic has not put those puppies to bed, but I’m wilder for sure.

With thanks to Chris Rice for the Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cc0QVWzCv9k

Connect with Boyd Varty:
Website | https://boydvarty.com/
Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/boyd_varty/
Twitter | https://twitter.com/BoydVarty

Find out more about Londolozi
Website | https://www.londolozi.com/en/
Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/londolozi/
Twitter | https://twitter.com/londolozi
Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/londolozigamereserve/